Damn You Sleep Training! Posted on July 16, 2014 by .

It’s 7:14 a.m.  I am on my 3rd brimming cup of coffee.  No, I don’t normally drink this much coffee.  Yes, I know that’s a lot of caffeine.  So you ask…why are you drinking that much coffee, Adam?  Oh, no big deal, I’m just SLEEP TRAINING MY 2 YEAR OLD!  Holy hell people, this sucks.  No one told me how high this would rank on the FML meter.  Granted, it’s super cute seeing Pierson in his big-boy bed.  And when he is actually asleep, it’s even cuter.  My wife and I went the full-size bed route versus getting one of those toddler/day bed get-ups.  We figured we’d go all in from the get-go.  I’m sure I’ll be glad we did that – at some point – but right now I want to just lay down in the corner and cry myself to sleep.

He is actually doing better than I thought he would, but the fact that I have to lay down next to him before he’ll actually go back to sleep is challenging.  It’s not bad when I first put him down around 8 p.m. because he’ll play for a bit and then doze off.  Later at night or early, early morning is a totally different story.  He literally wakes up and looks for me on the floor next to his bed (which is where I have to play like I’m sleeping before he’ll go to sleep).  When he sees that ’m not there, he more or less “sleep walks” into our bedroom and flings the door open and just stands there.  Homeboy doesn’t say a word…it’s kind of creepy.  I’m talking like Friday the 13th or Freddy Krueger creepy.  He’s all horror movie style with his demeanor, but it’s still got a cuteness factor if you can believe it.  I then get up and walk him back to bed.  I go in there thinking I will play like I’m going to sleep only to then sneak out and get back into my adult sized bed without him even knowing.  However, when all of this goes down around 1 a.m., I tend to actually fall asleep on the hard-ass floor and wake up with a crick in my neck and a broken ego.

Now he’s decided that he is going to get up at 4:30 or 5 a.m. because he’s ready to play.  I have no problem getting up that early to go work out but when I just get up and stare at more kid’s shows, it gets a bit rough.  Apparently I did the same thing when I was his age, so I guess I am partially to blame.  Payback sucks, man.  I apologize to my Mom every time I see her for what all I made her and my Dad go through.  This isn’t easy, but it’s all part of the parenting gig.  And I know it’ll get better soon.  Right?????

My wife and I are even going the “bribery” route, telling Pierson that if he sleeps in his big-boy bed all night that he’ll get ice cream the next day.  I’m not sure what your thoughts are on bribing your child, but we are not above bribery.  If it works, it works!  If it doesn’t, then we just need to think of something more awesomer to bribe him with!

I keep telling myself that this too shall pass.  Just like the terrible two’s will pass.  And that fact that he only eats what is on my plate.  And when he yells inside the grocery store and throws food on the floor and throws a tantrum for no reason at all and decides that it’d be a good idea to throw all of his toys on the ground right after we had just picked them all up.  It’s a good thing I love this kid because he has terrible manners.

If you have any tips or stories (or coffee) you would like to share, feel free!  I welcome any words of encouragement (or any bags of coffee) that you may have…


About Adam:

Adam is a Senior Recruiter Badass, whom is also a connoisseur of the finer things in life: whiskey, cigars, bacon, Metallica music, bacon, 80's anything, bacon, Texas A&M, and a proud father since 2011. He is also a big fan of bacon.

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