The Ugly Truth Posted on May 30, 2014 by .

Like most parents out there, I have watched my fair share of children’s TV shows. This is mainly when my kid goes into full out tantrum mode. I would like to give you my honest, and incredibly accurate, review of several of the shows I have had the opportunity to watch. In no particular order, let’s do this:


Peppa Pig (Nick Jr.)

This is a show about a family of pigs, with strong British accents, that get into all kinds of shenanigans. Peppa is the daughter and main character, George is the little brother (who has an obsession with dinosaurs) and then the parents are appropriately named…you guessed it…Mommy and Daddy Pig. This show is basic, but cute. My son loves it! And by loves it I mean this is the show he asked to see 95% of the time. I recommend it.

 

Caillou (PBS)

This is a Canadian kid’s show about a kid that does normal, boring kid stuff. Oh, and it sucks. Caillou is a little bitch. All this little Canadian kid does is bitch. Don’t waste you or your child’s precious brain cells on this show. It’s on PBS for a reason. Pass!

 

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (Disney Jr.)

If I have to hear the Hot Dog Song one more effing time, I am going to punch a hole in the wall. And then come over to your house and punch a hole in your wall. Mickey Mouse is timeless, I get it. And it’s probably a good choice for the kids to watch. But if you are looking for a show that you, the parent, don’t mind having to watch all the freaking time, this ain’t it man. You will wake up in the middle of the night with this Hot Dog Song playing in your head. It’s scary stuff…especially at 2 a.m. Pass.

 

Dora the Explorer (Nick Jr.)

This show is about a Hispanic girl, her backpack and “Boots” the monkey (whom both talk) whom go all over the world with a different end-goal for each episode. It might be to get to her grandmother’s house, it might be to get to a soccer game, it might be to get to the bathroom before she pees herself, the end-goals are literally endless (drum-kick). This show is alright since it’s good for kids to watch given the educational aspect of it. She throws in a little español, which can’t hurt in my opinion…unless you’re still trying to teach your little one how to speak English. I’d recommend it.

 

Thomas and Friends (PBS)

So get this…they made a show about talking trains that go up and down train tracks. Sound exciting to you?! I think not. They literally can’t go anywhere else, because they’re trains. Really. Yet another PBS show to avoid. PASS!

 

Yo Gabba Gabba (Nick Jr.)

I am about to get real honest with you…I dig this show. Being a kid from the 80’s, I love their format. Even the camera lighting makes this show look like it’s straight from the 80’s kid’s show vault. I may or may not have watched this show when my kid wasn’t around. I mean, the freaking lead singer from Devo has an art/drawing segment on there also (you know, they sang that song “Whip It”). My kid digs it, but I dig it even more. RECOMMEND!

 

Sofia the First (Disney Jr.)

This is more geared towards little girls, as my beautiful niece Lyla loves watching this show. It’s about this princess chick who has these somewhat snobby friends (they all live in castles, after all) and they pretty much just go from castle to castle playing with swords and medieval dolls and guillotines and things. Okay not really, it’s more boring than that. If you have a little girl, I would recommend. If you have a boy, I would steer clear. Did I mention my niece Lyla is super cute???

 

Jack’s Big Music Show (Nick Jr.)

This is another show I don’t mind watching myself. It’s about 2 puppets that have a playhouse out back and each episode they have some sort of musically challenge or predicament they need to overcome. They have real humans (as opposed to the fake ones) that make guest appearances and play music together. Lisa Loeb has been a guest musician, among others you’ve probably never heard of. This is a good show for both kids and parents to watch, if you can catch it on TV. It’s been hard for me to find lately. Recommend.

 

Caillou (PBS)

This show is so bad, I wanted to make sure you not only read my post above but had a chance to read it a second time. To recap, Caillou is a little bitch, and all he does is bitch, and DON’T WATCH IT!!!!!

 

PAW Patrol (Nick Jr.)

This is a show about dogs who help out the city they live in and, well, that’s about it. It’s boring to say the least, but my kid seems to like it. I’m on the fence about this one, but it’s worth having your kid watch it and see what happens. I’d be willing to bet that your child will either love it, or fall asleep. Your call!

 

Bubble Guppies (Nick Jr.)

This is a cute show about mermaid boys and girls that attend this school, which has a teacher that is a huge goldfish. It’s actually pretty good and keeps your attention throughout the episodes. It’s educational and my son seems to like it. It comes on right before bedtime, so every night it’s a given that he will want to see this show. Recommend.

 

The Fresh Beat Band (Nick Jr.)

This show is about real-life human people that are in a band and sing kids songs all the time. I would assume that these folks tried out for American Idol and didn’t make it, so they decided to form a band and star in their own TV show on Nickelodeon. Even though I cannot stand watching this show, they are probably making big-time money doing this show and traveling around doing concerts. The kid(s) would probably like this show, but adults should stay away.

 

The Walking Dead (AMC)

This is a show about the apocalypse and how the large majority of the population has turned into flesh-eating zombies. The main character is about a cop, Rick Grimes, whose has a large group that has followed him throughout the Atlanta, GA area trying to survive on the land and not get eaten by the before-mentioned zombies. I feel this show has a lot that a little child can learn from it…how to use firearms, how to grow veggies and fruit, how to live in a prison with a large number of other people, how to properly terminate a zombie’s life, etc. I highly recommend this show to anyone who has a child aged 2-10 years old. If your child is under 2, don’t be stupid…they shouldn’t be watching this show.

 

Max and Ruby (Nick Jr.)

This is a show about real-life rabbits that talk and always seem to be complaining about something, or nagging, or whining. Oh…and it sucks. Like, sucks a lot. Pass.

 

Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood (PBS)

This show is based off of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, and is actually pretty good. It’s a cartoon tiger that hangs out in their make-believe city with his friends and family. It’s well written and provides good educational lessons for the kiddos. There are bookoos of episodes that your kid can watch. My son loves it, so I highly recommend it.


About Adam:

Adam is a Senior Recruiter Badass, whom is also a connoisseur of the finer things in life: whiskey, cigars, bacon, Metallica music, bacon, 80's anything, bacon, Texas A&M, and a proud father since 2011. He is also a big fan of bacon.

View more posts by .